An ideal

I suppose my ideal self has always been one that people could think of respectfully. That is to say I've spent a good portion if my life trying to transform myself into someone with an ideal personality by reading all these empowerment books. Communication, confidence, power, humor, intellect, culture. I've tried my best to master as many areas as I've could and I feel quite accomplished to what I've amassed in knowledge. 

Sadly the only thing I need right now is a job. A respectful one making a decent income. Perhaps te last step I need in order to confidently present myself. For now I guise myself as humble when really inside I want to be able to look on others who have have not worked hard with scorn and contempt. And with projection, I project my inner contempt onto others as a nasty reflection of myself. If I can not see others with respect, how can I respect myself who is not in a position to be respected?

Going to a family outing tomorrow. I've grown weary of new people. Ugly reflection kind of thing. Could use a job and income. 

Rather than complain, I suppose what I need to do is brainstorm what can I do to make me money? Preferably something online. Yes, indeed. Pro activity is so difficult.